Thursday, July 28, 2011

Did that just happen?

It was bound to happen some time.

My coworker Charles has the most adorable little girl. She's "FOUR AND A HALF!!!" but she's really tiny, so it's easy to forget she's almost kindergarten age. Thusly and so-forth, when she comes up with robust dialog and intelligent conversation she seems all the more impressive. Except for when she's being too astute.

Today we got into a conversation that began with the prerequisite, "I'm (Name) and I'm FOUR AND A HALF!" and abruptly ended with the dreaded, "Do you have a baby in your tummy?"

Chirp chirp. Chirp chirp.

Woooah there, small thing. 

Being the thorough asshat that I am, I responded with a hearty, "Nope! I'm just fat!"

OMG. I was snarky to a preschooler.

Ok, to be fair, during the middle of the conversation she had asked me if I had kids (no) and if I wanted a baby (yes...well, eventually...maybe. Ok, yes. Maybe.). So I guess she was just owning the interview, so to speak, but still, I can't pretend it didn't catch me off guard. I suppose it didn't help matters that I was holding a fast-food hamburger in my bare hands because I was so ravenous that I asked the cashier not to bother bagging it. I can't imagine how anyone would get the wrong idea...


Kelly said...

Kids really are too smart for their own good! I probably would have responded similarly though, so don't feel bad!

Anonymous said...

I totally have a food baby. It grosses the husband out but there's NOTHING I can do to get rid of it, it's there - and totally the lower belly, I'm perma-4 months preggo :P

Phoenix Rising said...

Once, a grown man came into my office needing assistance that required me to actually stand up and walk across the room. He excitedly responded with, "Oh! I see CONGRATULATIONS are in order!" while actually pointing a finger straight at my bagel belly. (Talk about freaking crickets!) I blurted out, "No - I'm just fat!"

The next day he brought me a box of donuts.

True story.

Phoenix Rising said...

Also, I tried wearing one of those "slimming tank tops" -- which OMG! I totally got STUCK in. For real. I was attempting to take it off after a day of wearing it and got stuck. Now, that's always sexy to scream to the hubby that you need help being extracted from your girdle wear.

Blomgrens said...

that's an awesome story! you handled it well and with gumption :)

Allie said...

@Kelly- too true! This girl is really with it, which made it all the worse. Like she would somehow know she was being insulting. Sigh, there I go again, blaming the preschooler.

@UrbanCowgirl- Here here! I think we should throw ourselves faux baby showers and then just drink our weight in spiked punch.

@Phoenix Rising- I know the feeling. I accidentally bought a small sports bra and almost had to cut it off me. I don't actually know how I got it on. I'm sure I burned more calories trying to wiggle out of it than in the preceeding workout. And now I want a donut. Thanks.

@Blomgren- Thanks for your encouragement. I can't wait for you to come to Germany!

Ashley said...

BAAAAHAHAHA! I shared this with co-workers. You are welcome!

Anonymous said...

I had the opposite conversation. My friend's four year old walked up to me and said "Your belly sticks out."

And I said, "That's because I have a baby in my belly."

And he said "MY belly is nice and FLAT. SEE?" and he smoothed down his shirt proudly.

"Well do you have a baby in your belly?" I asked with the maturity of a toddler.



Tracie said...

Love those awkward moments! Four months after we got married, Ryan's 4 yr old niece cornered me in front everyone and asked if I had a baby in my tummy yet and why not and so forth. Embarrassing, but unforgettable!